I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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