ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize