I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
