I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
