I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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