I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
