his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
