she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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