If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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