Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
