Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
