We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You ruined the universe
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