does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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