this beer tastes like vomit already
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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