He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
