porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
