i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
