Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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