He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
