i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
