and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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