I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
