How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
