Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Someone signed my nipple.
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