Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
