I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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