he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize