Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
