Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize