If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
