So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
