And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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