This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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