dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
