My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
