Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
