I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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