He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
