Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize