also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All the doctor said was why
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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