I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
