He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
