The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
