M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
