You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
