dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Randomize
