If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
