Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
