Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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