big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize