She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
