As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
