I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
