gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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