Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
