I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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