Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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