Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
