I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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