someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
