you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
