Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize