Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
