I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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