Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize