im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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