Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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