Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
