Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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